In case you didn’t know, Kamila Przybylski is an extraordinarily prolific food critic for Citysearch. She has written 26,885 reviews for the site, many of them identical appraisals of Starbucks coffee shops in places as varied as River Forest, Illinois, and Aiea, Hawaii. Many (more than 100) of her pieces were published on February 9, 2009. They read: For many, getting their daily jolt of...
The Ballad of That Guy From Titus Andronicus →
This is the best one yet.
LA is the most boring place on earth. I cleaned my apartment today, I wiped down...– sara blask: Transcript of a 3 min. 23 sec. Voicemail Received Today, 12/30 @ 11:49 p.m. Amazing.
Ben was playing “Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star” on the harmonica, and he missed a note. “Breathe in on the next hole down,” I said. “Thanks,” he said, a little pissed. “Okay,” I said. “Don’t help. I get it.”
Dollars to donuts Dan Shanoff's one of those guys...
justsayjolie: me: Also and I mean, *Florence*? Double barf. rendit: That post should have been tagged “WHITE WOMAN.” me: That’s an insult to White Women everywhere, Matthew. rendit: I CAN’T HEAR YOU I’M TOO BUSY CARING FOR MY TWO BEAUTIFUL CHILDREN AND PAMPERING MY WHIMSICAL MANIC PIXIE DREAM WIFE. I CAN’T HEAR YOU I’M TOO BUSY CUMMING IN THE BACKSEAT...
Franny and Izzy pulled into the driveway. Allie and I waved. The clouds made the sky so gray that it seemed like gray was the sky’s natural color, and that the world had always looked like the inside of an office building: linoleum sidewalks, mailboxes like coffee makers. A few raindrops splashed in the puddle at the edge of the driveway, and made little dents in the snowdrifts. “We can...
Even More Humiliating Than the Tumblarity Meter
A meter that tells you how many times a day you click on the Tumblarity meter. @staff
heartbeatcity: after practice, in the winter, the cute boys with the long hair would stand outside and let it freeze, like stalactites, let the girls ooo and ahh and snap a little bit off for a story to tell. this was a daring act, with the emphasis on act. it demonstrated both sacrifice and indifference, neither of which the cute boys with the long hair knew anything about. it was the boys with...
The End of the 00s: Hope You Enjoyed Your Brush... →
“There was no time for pizza.”
Elizabeth Gumport at This Recording
leoncrawl: Davidson’s photographs remind us that people’s personal lives are mostly tedious. Everybody has dirty plates and families. Privacy protects us. Behind closed doors we shine our shoes and our personalities; we rest and then resume playing the roles of interesting people. We hide our worst selves, and our dullest: we would rather have people see us as bad than boring. “In Which We Do...
"Players frequently walk around with... →
katiebakes: I wrote about lax bros and exotic dancers. Don’t you want to click?
derrinyet: Another crappy birthday over and done with. You forgot to tag this post.
I liked Extract, and I think my favorite part is when Ben Affleck recommends Xanax and the guy from “Arrested Development” is like “what’s that good for” and Affleck’s like “it’s just good, man.”
Sorry to Sound Like a Grumpy Old Ding-Ding
The stage is set, then, for a “meditation” on identities both personal and national, immigrant relations, terror, anxiety, the attack of futility on the human consciousness and the defense against same: meaning. In other words, it’s the post-9/11 novel we hoped for. (Were there calls, in 1915, for the Lusitania novel? In 1985, was the Bhopal novel keenly anticipated?)...
justsayjolie: Your Daily 90s, Holiday Edition:...
"But much of what happened was not noteworthy for...
katiebakes: Rob Walker’s End of the 00’s piece on The Awl is making me want to be a better man. I don’t even want to quote it here because it’s too short and sweet to ruin. Go read it for yourself.
Dames on lists
nplusonemag: The result is that aesthetics—some shared conversation, with the potential for galvanizing disagreement, about the value of artworks—has become particularly toothless. Aesthetics can function only in the genre of gently self-implicating comedy. The recent pop-Bourdieu phenomenon of Stuff White People Like is instructive: assigning a taste (aesthetic or otherwise) as belonging to White...
Gift Advice From an Archeology PhD Student
The first archaeology book I read (in High School) on a future prof’s recommendation, was a novel called [REDACTED]. It was pretty great, and [REDACTED] did his background research on the archaeology. I would recommend it if your bro likes the novels. Otherwise maybe a subscription to an archaeological journal might be fun — does he have a specific field of interest in...
Tumblarity looks like an expression of the amount of content you generate vs. the amount of content people like. Every time I publish something, my Tumblarity immediately goes down, only to increase piecemeal if anyone hits the “like” button. The longer a post, the bigger the hit to Tumblarity, and the more “likes” I have to get to reach where I was before. The Tumblarity...
When God Closes a Door, I Open a Bottle
whisky in your coffee today?
me: no no just coffee
i've been thinking a lot about that idea
when god closes a door he opens a window
me: and like what the heck does that mean
lauren: it means that if you want to leave your house, be prepared to shimmy down the fire escape
me: are you supposed to climb in the window
but then it's like
me: if you're inside when god closes the door
he's trying to trap you, but not that hard?
like "good luck getting out now!"
lauren: he's trying to get you to think creatively about how you can leave
me: [God winks]
he opens a window
[. . .]
and suggests gently that you jump out of it
Waddle Forth and Calcify
“I’m more full of rage at the planet around me. I’m more exuberantly, enthusiastically pissed off. I’m more belligerently enthusiastic and enthusiastically belligerent than I’ve ever been. I was born in Indiana with a banjo on my knee, and I think you’re pretty well formatted by the time you’re 12 years old; consequently, I’m a book-reader, I...
I’m pretty sure there’s more to say about this.
Dig dog, fish fash, bird bard, liz lard, sheep shat.
Ochocinco is 6-foot-1, 192 pounds. Merriman is 6-4, 265.– Ochocinco wants to fight Merriman. ESPN.com. Nice, but a responsible journalist would’ve included the following links: Ochocinco’s twitter, Merriman’s twitter.
Reading The New Yorker's Fiction: "Diary of an...
“Diary of an Interesting Year,” which appears in the December 21, 2009, issue of The New Yorker, is by Helen Simpson, British student of Restoration comedy and former staff writer at Vogue. She has also written a libretto for a jazz opera, which sounds like an interesting thing to do. Basically, “Diary of an Interesting Year” is The Road from a woman’s point of view,...